Listen carefully, I will only say this once

This is an email I got today from a certain Wayne Murphy (twobroketramps@hotmail.com) with the subject title “ACT FAST”. As far as scam emails go, his name at least is not as wacky as normally in these kind of emails (Susy Quaie, Branndel Wonk, Lilly Blessingwound). Also, it is not written by a complete idiot although apparently the concept of spaces after punctuation marks is not known to him.

Besides, I like its tone and atmosphere of conspiracy, secrecy and low-tech hoodlums on the internet.There is quite a bit of “meet me at the Black Tower when the clock strikes two” to it, and you would almost expect him to mention the painting of the Madonna with the big boobies in the final paragraph.

All in all, I give it a 6 for effort, a 5 for execution, an 8 for the little boy fantasy and a bonus point for the name.

Anyway, here´s the contents of the email:

Hello

This is the only way I could contact you for now,I want you to be very careful about this and keep this secret with you until I make out space for us to see. You have no need of knowing who I am or where I am from.I know this may sound very surprising to you but it’s the situation.I have been paid some ransom in advance to terminate you with some reasons listed to me by my employer.It’s someone I believe you call a friend, I have followed you closely for a while now and your home location has made my job very easy but have seen that you are innocent of the accusations he leveled against you. Do not contact the police or try to send a copy of this to them,because if you do, I will know,and I might be pushed to do what I have been paid to do.Besides, this is the time I turn out to be a betrayer in my job.I took pity on you,that is why I have made up my mind to help you if you are willing to help yourself.

Now listen,I will arrange for us to see face to face,but before that, I need $15,000. I will come to your home or you determine where you wish we meet; I repeat, do not arrange for the cops and if you play hard to get, it will be extended to your family.Do not set any camera to cover us or set up any tape to record our conversation, my employer is in my control now. Payment details will be provided for you to make a part payment of $10,000
first,which will serve as guarantee that you are ready to co-orperate,then i will post a copy of the video tape that contains his request for me to terminate you which will be enough evidence for you to take any legal action against him before he employs another person for the job. You will pay the balance of $5,000 once you receive the tape.

Warning; do not contact the police, make sure you dont sleep with your two eyes closed until this whole thing is sorted out,if you neglect any of these warnings, you will have yourself to blame. You do not have much time, so get back to me immediately.

Note:I will advise you keep this to yourself alone, not even a friend or a family member should know about it because it could be one of them. Here is a private mail you can reach me fevivancos@hotmail.com

P.S. Whenever you get a silly email, check this site “http://www.hoax-slayer.com/” before panicking or sending the silly thing to the rest of the world.

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2 thoughts on “Listen carefully, I will only say this once

  1. Woaoh! I’ve seen stupid scam emails. Most of them appealing to my good Christian faith which I don’t have. Which is always fun to reply to. But this type is special. It’s an actual hitman scam (I’m so jealeous!):
    http://ago.mo.gov/ConsumerCorner/encyclopedia/hitman-scam.htm
    In fact you are supposed to report this to the FBI, just to make it even more fun:
    http://www.scamwarners.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=3257
    Are you going to play around with him? Have him take some silly picture of himself like:
    http://thescambaiter.com/

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