How to make a fool of yourself without dying in the attempt (2)

I am a nervous guy. I can’t just leave things half undone. When a book is not quite aligned on the coffeetable, I first have to put it right, before I can  watch my favorite film on the video (or listen to my favorite song of my favorite band). To take my time and relax instead of fixing something right away, is a difficult thing for me to do.

One morning I was having a long, hot shower in my bathroom which was big and without windows, so that all the steam stayed inside it, creating quite a sauna effect. It was probably this heat and humidity which caused the light bulb to suddenly explode. Shards of glass flew all around and landed on the floor. I quickly switched off the water and opened the bathroom door to let in some light. That’s when I saw that, strangely enough, parts of the bulb and the complete cap and electrical contact of the bulb had remained still screwed into the electrical socket.

‘Well, let’s first take that out,’ I thought without thinking or taking time to dry myself. So, naked and wet, I stood up on my toes, stuck out my hand and procured to turn out the bulb from the socket.

I am a tall person, but luckily the ceiling of this bathroom was so high that I had to stand on my toes. The electricity went straight through my right hand, traveled through one side of my trunk, then proceeded along my hip, my right leg and finally my toes. The force was strong enough to throw me off balance and, so, break the electrical contact.

I lied on the floor between pieces of glass for maybe a minute while realising that I just barely had escaped death. I laughed maniacally, whispered: ‘I made it’ with a voice as if I was acting my part in a David Lynch movie and then stood up, switched off the light, walked out of the bathroom and switched off the main electricity too, just to be sure.

Then I sat down, still naked and wet, on the sofa and took a deep breath.

(En español)

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1. Their youngest son of 4 found nothing more delightful than to switch the light on and off. He did that throughout the day and throughout the house. But especially in his own bedroom. Whether this was the cause of it all cannot be established definitely, but the fact is that one day the light bulb (when these were still in the trade) from the ceiling of his room burst into a thousand pieces. Switched on and off too often was Daddies hypothesis. And he should know because his job had something to with electricity or some such thing. The youngest son of 4 as a matter of fact was not even in the room when it happened, it was Daddy himself who switched on the lamp and caused the little explosion. Luckily, the fragments were not flung about too far away, stopped in their flight by the paper lampshade from Sweden. It was fortunate for otherwise Daddy might have got hurt! Also, fortunately, the youngest son of 4 was not there. Actually, where was he anyway? With one side of his slipper Dad wiped the pieces of glass aside and then reached up to remove the lamp shade. A simple little task. Removing the light bulb, however, was quiet a different thing. There was not much left of the lamp itself so he had to touch the lamp fitting. Dad was a wise and careful man. So he first flipped off the light switch and then opened the curtains wide open so he would have enough light. And now to business! But that was easier said than done. The lamp had been screwed in damn tight and he needed both hands to try to get the blasted thing out of the socket. And look, there the youngest son of 4 had also popped up in the room. Dad had all his attention to the work at hand so there was nothing to stop the boy. Click!

(Rotten luck for Daddy of course, but it is much worse for the son of 4, who still has his whole life ahead of him.)

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